Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Well, Well, Well a new Year a new Me...Well maybe just a better me.

2011 has come and gone my daughter turned ten, my baby boy turned eight and my oldest will be  sixteen in April. This time has gone by so rapidly. it was just yesterday I carried them and now they have there own lives wrapped up in these complex personalities. I am one of those mothers who is truly In Love with her children. I take creepy pictures while they sleep and marvel over their hands and feet I get a little jealous when they want to spend time with others. But just a little Jealous! I want the best for them always and would rock the world if I thought it would maketheir lives better. I am still trying for at least one more but in the mean time living for my Family and for Myself. 2012 has brought about some harsh realizations for me I am conflicted within my heart about who i am and who I really am and who want to be. I am for the first time finding conflict in my heart over my church home and how i can make things better. I love my church and I love My Family and Friends. However i am not ready to be walked on anymore for any reason. I have decided to be as virtuous a woman as I can and all of the Virtuous Woman I know are stronge and refuse to be walked on. They hold their own and Know how to tell a person NO!!! Something in the past I have had trouble doing. I  wouldnt normally call myself a pushover but lately things have gotten out of control no one wants tom here a word I have to say. And quite frankly I'm more and more upset about it. If I can respect others and all that they go through. Then the same can be done for me. However that has'nt been the case lately. My life is mine to share it as i see fit and deboing me is not an option for anyone I will simply not stand for it anymore. I have been to good to others and deserve better. however with that being said I am on a new path of self discovery and learning to love me and be happy with me...Now dont get me wrong I love me and am happy with me but I'm not at peace. I miss looking in the mirror and loveing alll of who I am. Going through all I've been through lately has brought me to this point. And I cant expect others to respect me and love me the way I deserve if I dont show them that I feel that way for myself.I want my children to see me the way I am inside healthy and happy stronge and loveing. A respected Woman of God. Im a photographer and don't like to look at photos of myself. LOL!!! I laugh at the thought but it hurts I am greater than this life im living and the way I feel  so I,m working on walking in it!!!!!