From This size.....

To This in months... Im getting there. On my way to loveing me....

Hi All... Its been a while since I posted  and so much has happened in my life well summer is here and school is out. I couldnt be happier to spend time with my kids I have recently found out that my oldest son j will not be spending the summer with us because of school however Ill see him soon even though Im missing him more and more each passing day. In Past post i talked about carving out time in my life for me and about focusing on makeing myself a happier person. Well this I have not done. I've ventured out a bit tried to pretty up my life on the surface tried to get out more. I thought i could focus on my career and try to do what I thought would get me excited and keep me motivated but it only backfired. I just ended up pissed off and depressed looking for what I wanted and wondering what the heck I was doing with my life. I began to try and help and volunteer doing so spiritual good for others and my soul. However I helped but i put so much focus on what i could do for others that i soon realized that my focus was lost and I was giving to everyone but myself. I soon broke down I've been sad, depressed, tired, happy, fake, sleep deprived and exercise crazy. so i gained fifty pounds and began to see myself new. I cant fake being happy anymore than I can fake living and breathing. I truly want happiness and self fulfillment. I have met some wonderful friends in this process and become a greater person involved in some wonderful groups. So socially my life has had a boost. But mentally a Physically I'm drained I Feel lost and thogh I know my life Has purpose I'm struggling to find a method to the madness of it. Today was a breaking point I  have a clear mind and a free flowing spirit. My children a nd husband are happy and healthy my health isssues are under control and my weight and size are going down. Last night I cried I cfried like my life was about to end I just wanted to get the sadness out into the open I wanted to be exposed after I spoke with my Friend and tried to explain why I was not happy . Im not happy because the love and energy i need to  focus on myself I give to everyone else I love hard and pray hard  so hard I have nothing left and I thought in doing this I would get what I needed in return and My heart was hurting because I allowed it to be hurt I gave and expected it to be given back. When I knew the expectations I had were unrealistic. No one can give you what you cant give you so im starting with this blog right here on this day in this hour. I love me and I dont care how it sounds I havent said it enough matter of fact no one has said it enough. I will continue to help, volunteer, share, love, and grow but not without giving all that I give to others to myself. I have said that I wanted another baby but now  I'm not so sure I'll have to pray on that a little more just as I'll be praying and meditateing on all the big decisions I must make. This is just the Begining and im excited about whats ahead... To Loveing Me!