Look at em Now....

 Kam, Pryse and my nephew Kayden...

 My Prince Justy...

My other two Princesses Sierra and Brianna I didnt have then but they are mine as well
... He loved me even when my But was Hughe...

 Classic mommy style..

 My men...I be Lovin My Boys..

My beautiful Choclate Princesss...Look at those eyes..

Spring has arrived...For me at least....

I love everything about spring except my allergies....Ugh! runny eyes itchy throat and the infamous post nasal drip... But on the bright side I getting great pics and sneezing all the way....Im in love with this kind of Dallas Weather not too hot and with a slight breeze. Beautiful sunrises and sunsets...starting more photography classes and learning morew and more with each passing day. My children the Justy, Kam, and Pryse.... are getting so big and more beautiful  with each passing day. I Love them more than I have ever Loved Myself  and thats still not the tip of the iceberg. Justus is smart and Confident secure in himself and sensitive ( He does get that from me...) I pray for him to try harder and to find out what it is he really wants to do. Hes talented and very focused when he wants to be loves the girls. Lol and they love Him...I applaud him for wanting and going after love even though I feel He is way too Young and that he has plenty of time. He smiles and tell me I know mom... Then I playfully whisper in His ear You know we don't love them hoes...as he breaks into histerickle laughter. O.K. MOM !!!!  Im just trying to help him realize hurt does'nt last always and with time all wounds do heal and  we must forgive to do this. Without forgivness there is no healing... I tell him to Pray and always put God First doing this he can never go wrong. He is strong and passionate He works and plays hard. he is is My eldest Prince. The one whom for so long my very existance was centered upon...He gave me purpose and He was the one I could be my true authentic self around and he loved me no matter what...Then came Aliceia Named for My Mom she was born on a cold day in December the 6th to be exact. she was a Blessing my little wonder who departed this world far too Young but so perfect that she has a place along side my Father and I couldnt  imagine her being anywhere else she was my silent love my little secret in those precious moment when my body held her tiny life share with only justy they were pure joy I was very sick and I knew what was to come. I was taken to the hospital by a Great and Wonderful friend who knew I was far to thin and white and that the doctors in our tiny town were wrong. As I watched the moniter and listened to her faint heartbeat ass it receeded and came to a stop. Hours later as my body contracted in response to her delivery as I watched the primary Butterflies danceing above my head...(Gods sign to Me has always been a Butterfly this time there were twelve.) an hour later as I held her in my arms and said Goodbye forever holding her in my heart and always remembered my secret Love.  Then came My Beautiful one My cupcake. My Princess Kapryse. the one who went up instead of down during delivery causing her to crash into my pelvis and bruise her beautiful brown face covered in tiny freckles and to litttle Bug eyes feeling them with blood.from the pressure. She was ok but to others who wanted to know what happened. As surprise hit their faces at her tiny bruised face and eyes all assureing me that she was going to be beautiful once her face had healed...I thought to my self shes alreday beautiful she was mine my little chocolate cupcake...whos long fingers and toes had griped the my rib cage and who stuck out her tiny hand and waved before she ever saw the light of the world then retreated to the home she knew for nine months. she was my Eugenae my fragile one. the one who at two years old told her brother that he was her Hero! And who said her first sentenc at six months old when she said Big ma get out of that salad!!! ( How we will never know but she did.) She is My petite Ballerina my Diva...The tennis star  aleader a Prayer and the most Beautiful little chocolate drop I've ever seen . Before I ever had a child I knew my daughter would look just like her. She is all that i ever wanted to be and more than I could have ever asked for. She is a comedian ( she gets that from her older Brother...this makes it hard for me to punish them ...But I do  none the less.)
Prysie Reesie is my peace maker. She is the only girl so naturally she's the Mother of the bunch she wants everyone to get along but because of the only girl thing she wants to be the center of attention and always the Princess. She is strong and stands up for the underdog. She talks when she needs to be listening and is prone to getting tongue lashed when she rolls those big beautiful eyes ( like we don't see them rolling...) she likes all things girly. and loves her friends like sisters she is a real Blessing to me and for me. she's taught he brothers to love girls and to treat them well and they have taught her along with my hubby just how she is supposed to be treated like she is worthy of the world and she definately is we are all better for the love she gives is a splended priceless gift and sweet as well "cupcakes".  Along came kam I was on my way to the doctors office to have a consultation to get a tubal. I had my Boy and my Girl i was done I had been beaten and broke down I had been traumatised enough was enough be cause I have never been the type to play the victim i was on my way out but bussiness had to be taken care of if I was going to give my kids a chance at a better life. I went the day befor to get my depo shot just to make sure and the pregnancy test was negative...However the next morning the test results were'nt the same... She said Im so sorry we cant schedule you for your tubal ...Why i though as i looked at her with a strangeest look like she was talking chinese. she said the test was positive you are pregnant. I began to cry not because i was pregnant but because i feared I would not be able to give my kids the best life possible after all i was on my own leaveing the abusive relationship and the job i worked so hard at to start all over again. I this was not my first lesson i learning to lean and depend on the lord but it was certainly the most profound. mainly because i was the strong one. i was not suppose to find a guy and have kids with someone who beat on me after being celebate for years after I had my son I was not suppose to make all of these mistakes. I was so much smarter than I  was acting. I was on birth control all three times I got pregnant I was not happy and I knew my family deserved a fighting chance and if i stayed her that would not be the case. I left with my baies and Kam a week later eight weeks pregnant at the time to start my like over where I and God were in control. I allowed him to see his child be born and frankly he didnt even deserve that. my family began to grow strong physically emotionall and spiritually this was what the Blessing that Kam brought to our lives. he brought us closer to God  he brought true Joy to my Life to all our lives. Kamryn is stronge and calm he was born on my favorite aunts Birthday. He was a quiet yet determined child and yes a fighter way stronger than any child I'd ever seen he had inner strength and an old soul. He had a spirit of protection  I felt safe with him there. He walked at eight months and  never crwled he was my baby for a while and still grew up much to fast . he had a devilish smile all snagle tooth and when he was born he had the softest skin and milky white hands that i had ever seen or felt on any child wwened himself from the breast and. as i washed the dishes he would crouch at my feet something he still kinda does to this day only in a  big boy manner...LOL  He loves women has loved women all his life Nemo was his icon and he loved Gospel music in fact music was the only thing that got him really excited and of course tickleing Him...I tickled all of my children so that they are extremly tickleish to this very day. i loved to hear them laugh. Kamryn is smart with ols skool flavor he has a swagger all his own and as long as he likes it its fly. He can stand up in front of a crowed andbe seen he is a go getter though shy at times if there is a job to be done when asked he'll do it. he Loves animals they all do I suppose the boys the most though Pryse preferes babies... The mommy's always do right!  each one of my children are wondeful and I would give the world to make sure they have just that. I just want them happy and healthy...i want them to know christ to have a meaning ful relationship with him. allowing and praying depending on Him to direct their paths. no one is perfect and I dont expect them to be but my children . i just want you all to Know christ and live life to the fullest. Laugh, Cry, and Live... Because only when looking back do you realize how short life really is. XOXO spring is here starting fresh and new letting ppl know how much they are Loved.... 

Well, Well, Well a new Year a new Me...Well maybe just a better me.

2011 has come and gone my daughter turned ten, my baby boy turned eight and my oldest will be  sixteen in April. This time has gone by so rapidly. it was just yesterday I carried them and now they have there own lives wrapped up in these complex personalities. I am one of those mothers who is truly In Love with her children. I take creepy pictures while they sleep and marvel over their hands and feet I get a little jealous when they want to spend time with others. But just a little Jealous! I want the best for them always and would rock the world if I thought it would maketheir lives better. I am still trying for at least one more but in the mean time living for my Family and for Myself. 2012 has brought about some harsh realizations for me I am conflicted within my heart about who i am and who I really am and who want to be. I am for the first time finding conflict in my heart over my church home and how i can make things better. I love my church and I love My Family and Friends. However i am not ready to be walked on anymore for any reason. I have decided to be as virtuous a woman as I can and all of the Virtuous Woman I know are stronge and refuse to be walked on. They hold their own and Know how to tell a person NO!!! Something in the past I have had trouble doing. I  wouldnt normally call myself a pushover but lately things have gotten out of control no one wants tom here a word I have to say. And quite frankly I'm more and more upset about it. If I can respect others and all that they go through. Then the same can be done for me. However that has'nt been the case lately. My life is mine to share it as i see fit and deboing me is not an option for anyone I will simply not stand for it anymore. I have been to good to others and deserve better. however with that being said I am on a new path of self discovery and learning to love me and be happy with me...Now dont get me wrong I love me and am happy with me but I'm not at peace. I miss looking in the mirror and loveing alll of who I am. Going through all I've been through lately has brought me to this point. And I cant expect others to respect me and love me the way I deserve if I dont show them that I feel that way for myself.I want my children to see me the way I am inside healthy and happy stronge and loveing. A respected Woman of God. Im a photographer and don't like to look at photos of myself. LOL!!! I laugh at the thought but it hurts I am greater than this life im living and the way I feel  so I,m working on walking in it!!!!!

Hello all... Well just me...

Hello! its great to back blogging i,m working on my Photography web site http://www.1andonlytlynnphotography.weebly.com/ . I'm excited and Happy about finally doing what i love still working at the Nursing . Yes its still a passion of mine and I love them both so much i dont know which one I like better all I know is that I'm walking in my true calling for a career. I have never been this happy with work. my husband and I are finally working on buying a house and I have started work on this body so that when god decides to bless us with a child I'll be ready a healthy for it. I'm not getting any younger so it needs to be worked on and thought out. I love all my clients and love the joy I get when I show them their final edited picks. I never imagined this much joy when my daddy gave me my first canon. I'm just glad he did. My kiddos are doing great all great report cards( Thank God!!!) so no groundings or punishments for slacking off. I'm glad I have kids that try to do whats right most of the time and when they don't I'm here to remind them. Tommorrow is a new day and I will never get today back but i was Blessed to have it Amen....I love my Family I love the current 226 pound me and I work daily on being better. Here is a great recipe for quinoia i hope i spelled that right salad.  i recently tried this at a health fair and it was amazeing so I'm shareing i hope you enjoy. Psalms 40:17 As for me, I am poor and needy;
                                                                   but the Lord takes thought for me.
                                                                   Though are my help and my deliverer;
                                                                    do not tarry, o my God!

Im 33!!!! Thank God... Now How can I undue all the damage I've done to this Blessing?

I've officialy been 33 for the last 48 hours and I'm stronger today than I was two days ago. I cant explain what goes on with me when I feel no one is listening to a word I have to say and I keep trying to explain to them this one simple fact. Being looked at as if I'm speaking in that charlie brown voiceWa wa wa wawahhwahh!!!! Well frankly Im tired of itr and just want to be listened to or just be told to shut up because I'm not paying you any attention. Anywho! that being said I'm over it. For now! My Birthday was great I spoke with all my sisters and brothers even got some great FB Happy Birthdays. Talked with My Dear LOveing Eldest most Handsome First Born In the Kingdome of TIFF.I woke up with a prayer and went to bed knowing that I was a Blessed Woman I have beautiful Healthy Kids whom I am very proud of and Glad to call my own. I am as healthy as I can be and I'm thankful for each breath I take. Wan't a big laugh? I was out with my younger sister on the morning of the 3rd. Feeling pretty good about turning 33. When this guy yells Hi Cuttie! to her as she is walking away then turns and looks at me I smile and say I dont think she heard you. He knods...as she comes out he says it again to her and proceeds to try and get her phone number mind you he is way too old to get numbers like a teen.Anyway I here Him say is that you're MOM in the car I am only 3 years older than she is! I thought to myself WOW!! I must really look old... I wanted  to cry. These are the reasons why I want to work on me. I've been told I lok 30 since I was 15 years old and when i was 28  was told I was 45. That was like a slap in the face because I was convinced I looked my age then. Turns out I was wrong not that I care weather people think Im older I just don't want to be mistaken for my sisters MOM. I want my children to want to be happy to have a nice looking MOM and not be embarrassed by frumpanista ME. I want to look as good and young as I feel on my best days.My Husband is three years younger than me and I get asked if Im his mom all the time that really hurts because I dont want it to change the way he sees me ( It has'nt however I don't want it too either) So Im starting with the weight and health the spiritual always comes first then all the other stuff like clothing hair teeth quality time with Me. I hope this does not sound conceited but its long overdue. i want to LOVE ME AT MY BEST and I want my Family to love me at it as well.I want to be the kind of lady my sons marry and that my daughter aspires to be and for just a minute I would Love for the MIL to look at me and say He picked right and not see all that she did'nt want for him I am posting picks so you can see what I working with not bad but it can always be better.

I've finally gotten back to Me!!!

Hello all! My first and last post was back in March and when I bagan on this Journey of discovering me I was overwhelmed and did'nt exactly know what I wanted or who I was at this point in life. For instance I'll be 33 tomorrow and I look in the mirror and I see a 50year old. Now there is nothing wrong with being fifty or looking like You are but I want to look like I'm 33. I want to look vivascious and healthy free hearted and wise at the same time sexy and smart. I know in my heart that Im alll these things inside but I can't get them to show up and show out. I was sick  and still am for the most part with a heart condition and frequent chest pains. Howver I'm healthy in Mind and physical body I just want to look it. So i am challengeing myself to become a better me. I Have finally gotten my business off the ground and feel as though its headed in the right direction. My children are safe , healthy, and Happy. My Husband is wonderful and I could'nt ask for a better person to share my ups and downs with on the friend front I have wonderful men and women in my life to tell me like it is. My Mom is the bestest friend I could have My Dad is great still kickin and doing Him!  My brothers and sister well their brothers and sisters there for me if and when I need them communiction could be better but the Love is stronge ( Our Mama taught us that) I'm on a mission to feel and look better with each passing day and I'll be posting pics so you can see the physical improvement as well. Because thats the hardest thing I've ever had to do but it must be done. i'll also be shareing my favorite scriptures and readings of inspration because theirs no renewed me without a renewed spirit. Recently i've joined the DFW photography club and Random acts of Kindness or RAC i hope to share these experiences with you as well. Mentoring and being mentored is also on the list I want and expect to live a full and fulfilled life. I am glad to be shareing this life withh whomever comes along for the ride. I am not perfect but I am Me ....Flaws and all. God Bless

A little piece of Me...

Hello and Welcome to my blog a place where I can be me and share it with the world exactly the way I want to say it to the point with no excuses and no take backs. I am a 32 year old African American Woman. I am Married with three children of my own and five that I though i did not give birth to but claim as mine. I am a daughter and sister, a grandaughter,  and Girlscout troop Leader.Child of God and A friend to many. I would Love to live everyday like its my last but the truth is a lot of the time I am too busy. So I take my beaths in moments like when Im alone with God late at night and he whispers I love you daughter. Or in those early morning hours when Im alone with my cup of  pleasure otherwise known as coffee listening to his voice and the sounds of my children asleep and breathing as I pray for my eldest Son whos far away But close in my heart and always on my mind. On sunday morning while praiseing and giving Thanks or any morning for that matter. These are the moments when I feel I am truly living up to my potential and walking the path that Gods chosen for me. When I feel I can can claerly hear his voice and being lead in the right direction. Then as the Day goes on. Even though I seek to do His will I stumble...I am only Human. But I find myself  hopeing that I didnt offend anyone. Or weather or not Im being to hard on my In laws. I let out a curse and look into the eyes of my Loveing husband  who would never let a curse escape his lips. Sorry it just came out!...I say but really feel bad about it because I try so hard. I wake every morning Blessed to see another day and go to bed at night Thanking God we all made it through the day and asking him to protect us all night. My children Think Im crazy and know that they are My world my Husband and I just live in it. However I am always respectful and curtious and Pray for the world and the People in it daily. I treat others exactly thee way I want to be treated though I fall short on stamina and hours in the day my intent is always to do well and do better today than I did yesterday. These will be those stories I choose to share the ones that show the heart of me...Like I said befor the good the bad the beautiful and ugly. I Have struggled with depression all my life and God ha always been their to lead me out of troubled waters and now i have an even bigger issue I am 60 lbs overweight and trying to lose every bit of it not to be skinny but to be a Happpier, Healthier, Me.